Am I a fool ? Why I like doing things against my conscience? Why I choose to leave without any direction in life? Why I choose the way of opposing my mind? What should I do to make me happy from this moment onward? I keep resting in my room without lunch and weep alone in the middle of no where. It is because I regret what I did? or It is because I still love her? Why she can't understand me a bit? Why she can't even say a word to make me stay? Does she really love me? Or she really wants me to do so? Or she never know why I wrote it? Many questions come to my mind but no answer, that make me almost crazy. I will be crazy soon if that situation is still worse.
I ride along riverside without my soul in my body and almost have accident, but luckily I am ok. I see the young couple laughing to each other, which make me so jealous. Why my time is so soon to finish? My face is like a ghost that can be revealed clearly in public, that make everyone mostly looks at me and ask what happened. I just answer it is nothing, I am so sick today. I need to teach this evening, and I don't know if I can stand and face my student with my smiley face as usual or not, since everything she said is still in my mind till now.
The plan of her Sis's wedding, her BD, Valentine, First year anniversary are already set clearly. Today is the major plan of mine to countdown with her together since I never do it with my beloved till this age. I really want to shout out loud from where I will be that I Love You at 00:00 tonight, but now what can I do if she cannot say a word to make me stay? Or Does she think I really meant to say goodbye without being responsible anything for her and her life. I may be young in term of love, but I am so matured in term of Life. I am a man who also have full of responsibility. Why is so hard to stop me from doing this? Why she like to push me away from her? now I am in Library in CamEd and my tear is shed in my eyes. I no longer feel ashamed anyone cos of this Love. Don't I love her Enough? Can anyone tell me more about Love?
Last time we had lots fun together, the way back home from eating Soup, I hold her hand tight and I commit and wisher to myself that I will not leave her hand in the middle way. I am proud to be with her. I am so happy to see her smile and being with me. And feel comfortable to see her care. What else can I do to make you stop me from leaving you? I really love you from my heart, Duong Sochivy. I could die for you if you want, so just say a word I want to hear.
Deepblue Sky.
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